Radio, a Theory, and Oops
by Barry Bauer
I listen to a lot of talk radio. One morning at 6:00, I was listening to WJR and the Paul W. Smith Show. The half-hour started with the news, sports, and weather, and traffic copter report. Then we listened to the lead-in music and finally Paul W. came on. He read a commercial and then we heard another traffic copter report. Back to some commercials, John McMurray’s weather report (it will be a mild fall-like day), and then an announcement about the 9/11 prayer service to be held today (Friday). And then more commercials followed by another traffic copter report. Back to a commercial and by that time it was 6:19. More commercials and back to a report about the prayer service to be held later that day. Finally, a prayer by the guest minister and that finished the half-hour. The next half-hour began with another traffic copter report, etc., etc., etc..
So was that it for the Paul W. show? Dammed if I know, I got bored and changed the station.
* * *
I have a theory; I think a strong President would have avoided the mess with the minister in Florida if he had handled the situation at Ground Zero instead of mostly ignoring it and hoping it’d go away. I imagine this conversation in the Oval Office over a couple of beers:
Obama, “Good morning Mr. Imam, how are you today?”
Imam, “Fine Mr. President. I know you hate being corrected but it’s Mr. Rauf.”
Obama, “I’m sorry Mr. Iman, ah, Mr. Rauf, can I offer you a beer?”
Imam, “Yes, please. I’ll have any American beer you have. I’m an American, you know”
Obama, “All we have is Corona Extra, I hope that’ll be okay.”
Imam, “I thought you Americans hated Mexico.”
Obama, “Oh no, we accept anything Mexico can send us, believe me.”
After the beer had been opened and sampled, the two settle down to business.
Obama, “How may I help you today?”
Imam, “I want to build a Mosque at Ground Zero.”
Obama, “Okay, let me make myself perfectly clear, there’s no way in Hell you’re going to build a Mosque anywhere near that sacred ground.”
Imam, “But Mr. President, your laws say I can.”
Obama, “Do I look like I give a damn. If I have to, I’ll bring the full weight of the American bureaucracy down on you and you’ll need a permit just to tie your shoes in the morning.”
Imam, “Is that it?”
Obama, “That’s it. How’s that beer?”
Imam, “Taste like crap.”
* * *
A year ago we accepted a promotional cable package from our cable company. I wrote about the hassle we had trying to get them to bill us the correct amount, and several phone calls later, it was finally resolved.
Skip ahead to today and our promotional price has expired and our monthly bill went up $32. I’d already been given a price from a representative of the cable company for a 2-year contact (we signed on the dotted line this time) for $5 more then we had been paying. I had to call and remind them.
Along with the package we got HD signals instead of just digital. This required a new cable box so we set up a time for the repairman to come in and change it.
When he finished I asked him if we could still record on our VCR/DVD. He said, “No, but I can add a “T” connector (I call it a “Y” connector).” Why he didn’t do this in the first place is beyond me. When he finished we were able to record one channel and watch another. We haven’t been able to do that for the past year because of the way they connected the first cable box. I asked the guy at the time why he couldn’t run a separate feed to the vcr and then back to the tv. He said he couldn’t. I called cable afterwards and complained so they sent another repairman and he went along with what the first repairman said.
Now they can do it . . . huh?
Anyway, we decided to replace the VCR in the den because it vibrated so much you could feel it in the other room and had a lot of noise lines in the picture I couldn’t get rid of. It also had a picture that fluttered. I bought another VCR/DVD recordable machine and for the second time in a row, I got one without a TV tuner. That wasn’t on purpose, folks.
Dumb on my part.
I bought a cable box to compensate for that but damned if I could make it work. Plug in this, plug in that, push this button, and look for a menu on your screen. I never saw it. “You may have to hook your RF modulator to it too,” the salesman said. I tried that and got nothing. All of this mess was created, I’m told, so we won’t be able to make copies of copyrighted disk. We boxed everything up and took it back. I then spent a little more money and got a VCR/DVD recordable machine with a tuner but we’ll still have to use the RF Modulator.
So I hooked the new VCR/DVD machine just like I saw on the schematics in their manual. I couldn’t get it to work. I messed around with it for a while and finally called tech support. The guy went through the connections with me and couldn’t understand why I didn’t get a setup screen. He finally told me I should take it back to the store.
I went through the connection and changed it back to what I thought worked with the old machine. I got a good TV picture but the one coming through the VCR/DVD was snowy so I called them again. The tech support guy walked me through it again and told me to push the setup button and I got nothing. He couldn’t understand it either. “You need a new RF Modulator,” he said.
I was on my way out the door and heading to Radio Shack when Betty came in and asked a few questions, so I proceeded to show Betty how it was supposed to be hooked up according to the manual and the damned thing worked!
Did I mention that I fixed one of the coaxial cables damaged sometime between taking the old VCR/DVD out, and installing the new one?
Oops.
* * *
One last thing, just as the Detroit Tigers were robbed of a perfect game because of a bad call by the first base umpire, the Detroit Lions were robbed of a victory against the Chicago Bears because of another bad call. We have learned from that, there’s idiots in the replay booth as well as on the field. What ever happened to that “ground can’t cause a fumble” rule? They’ve insulted our intelligence once again.
Oh, that’s right; it applies to runners and not receivers.
Not to worry, the Commissioner of football might apologize to us someday. That will make it all better.
Stuff it, Commish, I’m mad as hell.
Until the next time . . .